Feb 18, 2009

Fact is stranger than fiction

Warrior Woman
Warrior Woman - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

In the late 90s, I kept images of my alters in folders as their identities became known to me. ME ("Emmie), female inner wisdom shown at bottom of lower heart, is model Christy Turlington. Michael is actor Edward Burns. He acts and directs. One of his movies was She's the One. I have the article photo spread on him entitled He's the One.

My head felt a rush of new fuzziness after the fusion during therapy. As soon as I got home I began to get images from online of Edward Burns for collages. I was dumbfounded. He and Christy Turlington got married! Sometime in the past five years I think. Well, they are together in me now too. How weird is that?

Am still feeling at the back of the line but feel as if all who had been trapped in Ellie's male system before the fusion are out with a shorter line. But now that both halves of Ellie are reunited, I'm sure more answers will be coming. Many collages are showing programming even though I don't know what the programming did. My story is coming out from the perspective of the parts of me who lived it and I do have a greater understanding of that trauma life. What I don't understand is how anyone survives such trauma. The more I heal, the more I wonder why I am here on this earth.

I'm going on three months of collaging instead of flooding with a new surge yesterday. Although yesterday wasn't hoards of trapped ballerinas and traumatized she-males. It was just Michael. Who am I right now? I'm fuzzy me (at the top of the collage), my inner child parts, and my male and female inner wisdoms (ME and my Ian Fleming). Not as crowded...


Marj aka Thriver said...

I really love your collages. I'd like to figure out how I can make some online or with computer graphics. So far, I've only made the cut-and-paste-pix-from-magazines variety.

I started a system map a while back. But, I've left it getting dusty because I was so overwhelmed. I often feel "at the back of the line" myself.

Marj aka Thriver said...

Hey, me again. Didn't I just say in that PM that I'm thinking dissociatives have a lot of ESP? Wow!

Would you consider submitting this old post to The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse? I've officially started a new submission category for art therapy (collage, etc) and this post so perfectly marries the healing, thoughts, detective work, feelings, etc. with art. Thanks for considering. I'll pm you over at Polyvore, too.