Not that I haven't had anything to say...just nothing I've been passionate enough about to write. That has changed. If any of my readers know a Congressman, please pass this along. I married in July to the man I've been with for 11 years. I had to coordinate the end of my coverage under my previous husband with the divorce and being moved onto my husband's policy. He has excellent coverage from working for the state government for several decades. We both thought his coverage would be my coverage.
When he went to add me, he was told, since I was on disability, although I had declined Part A Medicare at the time, I would have to apply for Part A and that would be my primary insurance. That would backed up by an Aetna HMO or PPO, whichever we choose. We thought that would mean if a doctor or provider did not accept Medicare, it would be picked up by Aetna. We were wrong.
A provider must accept Medicare. As for doctors, under our plan, all Hershey Medical doctors are covered and they are excellent. However, my therapist since 1999 is not covered by Medicare. Medicare requires that a therapist be a doctorate level psychologist or a social worker to be covered. My therapist is a Master's level psychologist with excellent and constantly updated skills in treating DID.
The realm of therapists who treat DID is a very small percentage of all therapists. The country is in shortage of such therapists. Now add the requirement that of that small number of therapists, Medicare recipients can only see those who have a Ph.D. That knocks out most of the DID-treating population.
I can continue to see my therapist if I pay out of pocket. Any therapist charges in the neighborhood of $100 a session or more. I had only been paying at most a $35 copayment for more than a decade. I guess I'm middle class but that is too expensive for once every few weeks. It's like another car payment.
So now I'm caught in the Medicare trap. My therapist is far more qualified to treat me than many who do treat DID because of all her experience and ongoing education. Without researching, I don't even know if the social worker must be licensed or not. My husband did call his benefits contact to make a plea for me to be covered for my existing therapist because of the circumstances. We have yet to receive an answer but are doubtful.
I will have DID the rest of my life even if issues are few and far between with my level of healing. It makes me angry for so many others who are on Medicare. Quite a few with DID are on Medicare because of lack of ability to function for years even if they had held a high functioning job until the day their amnesia broke.
When our president is in office and away from campaigning and uncertainty, I will write, since that's all I can do unless people like me have a voice. And I have to pray Medicare will not be upended in ways beyond my comprehension with certain election results.
Am done with that rant but wanted to note it's ironic that today I saw Argo, about the rescue of the six Americans who escaped from the Iranian Embassy to the Canadian Embassy in 1979 and my last post was about Iran. Excellent movie, by the way.
Aug 15, 2012
Above and Below Public Knowledge
Recently I shared in my blog Understanding & Healing from Dissociation that I was led to a clearly conscious memory of someone in my past linked to the world of international espionage. I lived in Iran from mid-1964 (turned 12 later that year) until mid-1967 (14 almost 15). I've spoken before of memory that connects Russian and U.S. programs as well as a U.S./Russian/British connection. However, the world news of that "Cold War" era was spy vs. spy vs. spy with a nuclear power struggle between the U.S. and Russia.
With all my research of Iran in the mid-60s, I came to understand that the U.S. agreed to support the Shah, who came into power in 1963 with the help of U.S. CIA undercover operatives, with military advisors and other support supposedly to prevent the Shah from allying with the Russians. It became clear to me that all Americans sent there were in support of the CIA and the "puppet" Shah. It was a community of intelligence and secrets. The children of the spies or those with at least covert missions attended the American School in Tehran. My friends had parents who were part of that mission. Of course we were clueless children.
I had several close friends from 1964 until I left in 1967. We went to grades 7 through 9 together. We had sleepovers and parties. One of my friends was the Ambassador to the U.S.'s daughter. I was at the Embassy for a party I think twice...one is a clear memory. Iran was quiet and boring and we mostly spent time with each other. Summers for children of military officers were spent at the Officer's Club. We were literally dropped off in the morning and picked up in the evening, often after the movie theater had closed. I did read that it was believed a CIA office was located within the Officer's Club.
While I don't know if my other friends were like me, I'm fairly certain my one best friend, also the daughter of an officer, was. She has surfaced in many of my nightmares. I recall consciously that one summer she decided to learn Russian which was completely uninteresting to me at the time.
Having processed all of what I know of that life, including my memory of being in Russia validated by the huge time gap on my 7th grade report card, I was still plagued with nightmares connecting Iran to my adult working life. By "coincidence", I googled the name of my friend's father because I knew he had worked for Gulf Oil in 1974 when I had last visited him in Reston, VA; and I had just researched the CIA undercover operative who led the coup to place the Shah in power in 1963. He had retired from the CIA and gone to work for Gulf Oil. I just wondered at that moment if Gulf Oil was a retirement ground for the CIA. It would not have surprised me to learn my friend's father was CIA given Iran's history. But it did shock me to learn he was a notorious KGB agent known only by his codename since the 1950s. His identity became known in the early 2000s. He had been recruited by Julius Rosenberg who was executed with his wife for selling secrets about our atomic bomb to the Russians in the early 50s. Several others were also arrested but not executed and no one gave up the man I knew and adored as my friend's father. He had been part of The Manhattan Project.
His identity became known by authors of the book Spies: The Rise and Fall of the K.G.B. in America through Freedom of Information Act documents and released KGB documents that finally connected the name with the codename. The authors contacted my father's friend in 2007 but he declined to be interviewed. He died in 2008 living his life out as a wealthy retiree with a large and loving family.
I do remember him frequently being in London in those years I was there but he lived in Iran long after we left. Iran has a nuclear power plant and the man I loved as my friend's father had expertise in processing plutonium.
Where else does a child become exposed to people so deeply entrenched in the world of espionage if not in a place where many others are also engaging in espionage? What hasn't been found or supported or denied is whether he was a double agent or part of the tri-loyal world I knew.
My memories are of what we now call the one percent...the very wealthy...providing funds to develop the programs where all nations (or at least the wealthiest in those nations) worked toward a common goal. If one nation was going to destroy the other with nuclear weapons, the one percent was going to be in control and on the winning side regardless of the outcome.
Apparently I learned a skill that was carried into adulthood to be used in my workplaces. I do know without a doubt I was being used in an alter state for at least one reason related to foreign currency and stock trading at my last place of employment before my amnesia broke. It was a health insurance company. I was a mind control "asset" actively being used by a Vice President of the company. That was 15 years ago.
Without a Cold War, I believe the one percent does make much of it's wealth off of the war machine, wherever there might be a war. How many times has it been uncovered that the U.S. was supplying arms to one or both sides of two countries fighting with each other? We fuel those wars.
In public view we see blame. In the underworld, there is cooperation working toward control and wealth. The sex slave trade and pornography trade are proof of activities that are fueled in large part by the U.S. even though we have organizations rallying to put an end to such activities. The side with the most money is always going to win.
So while I was shocked about learning of having a close encounter numerous times with a known KGB agent, I've also had time now to put my life into perspective. I was born into it and had no choice about my path or future until I came undone in 1997. I still see it going on and see how wealth and power continue to tear us down. Imagine if the evil could be reversed...the problems of the world that could be solved if that wealth and power were somehow able to be used for the betterment of society. It makes me sad to know the truth.
With all my research of Iran in the mid-60s, I came to understand that the U.S. agreed to support the Shah, who came into power in 1963 with the help of U.S. CIA undercover operatives, with military advisors and other support supposedly to prevent the Shah from allying with the Russians. It became clear to me that all Americans sent there were in support of the CIA and the "puppet" Shah. It was a community of intelligence and secrets. The children of the spies or those with at least covert missions attended the American School in Tehran. My friends had parents who were part of that mission. Of course we were clueless children.
I had several close friends from 1964 until I left in 1967. We went to grades 7 through 9 together. We had sleepovers and parties. One of my friends was the Ambassador to the U.S.'s daughter. I was at the Embassy for a party I think twice...one is a clear memory. Iran was quiet and boring and we mostly spent time with each other. Summers for children of military officers were spent at the Officer's Club. We were literally dropped off in the morning and picked up in the evening, often after the movie theater had closed. I did read that it was believed a CIA office was located within the Officer's Club.
While I don't know if my other friends were like me, I'm fairly certain my one best friend, also the daughter of an officer, was. She has surfaced in many of my nightmares. I recall consciously that one summer she decided to learn Russian which was completely uninteresting to me at the time.
Having processed all of what I know of that life, including my memory of being in Russia validated by the huge time gap on my 7th grade report card, I was still plagued with nightmares connecting Iran to my adult working life. By "coincidence", I googled the name of my friend's father because I knew he had worked for Gulf Oil in 1974 when I had last visited him in Reston, VA; and I had just researched the CIA undercover operative who led the coup to place the Shah in power in 1963. He had retired from the CIA and gone to work for Gulf Oil. I just wondered at that moment if Gulf Oil was a retirement ground for the CIA. It would not have surprised me to learn my friend's father was CIA given Iran's history. But it did shock me to learn he was a notorious KGB agent known only by his codename since the 1950s. His identity became known in the early 2000s. He had been recruited by Julius Rosenberg who was executed with his wife for selling secrets about our atomic bomb to the Russians in the early 50s. Several others were also arrested but not executed and no one gave up the man I knew and adored as my friend's father. He had been part of The Manhattan Project.
His identity became known by authors of the book Spies: The Rise and Fall of the K.G.B. in America through Freedom of Information Act documents and released KGB documents that finally connected the name with the codename. The authors contacted my father's friend in 2007 but he declined to be interviewed. He died in 2008 living his life out as a wealthy retiree with a large and loving family.
I do remember him frequently being in London in those years I was there but he lived in Iran long after we left. Iran has a nuclear power plant and the man I loved as my friend's father had expertise in processing plutonium.
Where else does a child become exposed to people so deeply entrenched in the world of espionage if not in a place where many others are also engaging in espionage? What hasn't been found or supported or denied is whether he was a double agent or part of the tri-loyal world I knew.
My memories are of what we now call the one percent...the very wealthy...providing funds to develop the programs where all nations (or at least the wealthiest in those nations) worked toward a common goal. If one nation was going to destroy the other with nuclear weapons, the one percent was going to be in control and on the winning side regardless of the outcome.
Apparently I learned a skill that was carried into adulthood to be used in my workplaces. I do know without a doubt I was being used in an alter state for at least one reason related to foreign currency and stock trading at my last place of employment before my amnesia broke. It was a health insurance company. I was a mind control "asset" actively being used by a Vice President of the company. That was 15 years ago.
Without a Cold War, I believe the one percent does make much of it's wealth off of the war machine, wherever there might be a war. How many times has it been uncovered that the U.S. was supplying arms to one or both sides of two countries fighting with each other? We fuel those wars.
In public view we see blame. In the underworld, there is cooperation working toward control and wealth. The sex slave trade and pornography trade are proof of activities that are fueled in large part by the U.S. even though we have organizations rallying to put an end to such activities. The side with the most money is always going to win.
So while I was shocked about learning of having a close encounter numerous times with a known KGB agent, I've also had time now to put my life into perspective. I was born into it and had no choice about my path or future until I came undone in 1997. I still see it going on and see how wealth and power continue to tear us down. Imagine if the evil could be reversed...the problems of the world that could be solved if that wealth and power were somehow able to be used for the betterment of society. It makes me sad to know the truth.
 |
| When the past floats up...memories. |
Jul 2, 2012
Post Trial Reflections
Now that the verdict is in on the Sandusky trial, I’m ready
to speak out on the greater story. A highly visible sports figure has a secret
life sexually abusing children and teens within the walls of a major
university. Already other universities are scrutinizing their policies and
rules to prevent similar circumstances. That’s the positive outcome. The nation
is more aware of how child predators can operate by hiding in plain sight.
Those who are not familiar with the government’s involvement
in funding universities to participate in illicit research and programs are
urged to google Penn State University and MK-Ultra…or universities and
MK-Ultra. Nearly every major university agreed to participate in illicit
activities for funding back in the 50s through 70s (known) and beyond (believed
and assumed). After the congressional investigative hearings of the 70s on
MK-Ultra, it is widely believed that the program went further underground and
likely goes by other names. Primarily, there is a government or government
contractor related component of this organized pedophilia. Click here
to download the Senate Hearings on MKULTRA in PDF format.
The CIA director in the early 70s ordered all MK-Ultra
documents destroyed prior to the hearing but some survived and much related to
the program has been declassified since the hearings. The component that goes
with the pedophilia is research to promote dissociation in children. One of the
“easiest” ways to traumatize a child and trigger the dissociative mechanism is
frequent sexual abuse. Among other “benefits” to the government and abusers was
that having a dissociative child (which only happens if abuse begins usually by
age 6-9) is the lack of memory for any abuse for decades. It is possible some
of Sandusky’s younger victims may not remember for another decade or more. It
would behoove legislators who claim to want to prevent child abuse and bring
perpetrators to justice to remove all time limitations for victims to come
forward.
We may never know how entrenched Penn State was in the
underworld but It is clear they were still allowing pedophiles to thrive within
their walls without penalty until Sandusky finally was caught. You can believe
behind and above and next to Sandusky lies an entire network of pedophiles and
a flow of funds from a covert government agency.
What also is evident is the fear the victims had in facing
their abuser. The threats told to children repeatedly instill fear beyond
comprehension to maintain their silence. I salute all who came forward for the trial.
And my message to those too fearful to testify is that you are not alone. You
are able to heal from such trauma with time and therapy.
Photo Credit: http://www.blackberrywirelessphone.com/pages/2763/Sharper-Image.htm
Feb 28, 2012
Lack of Posting...Penn State Delay
Last year I had so many health issues that I thought would be resolved going into 2012. But some followed me and there are new ones. I haven't had much going on with my own healing since my mind seems to be letting me focus on healing the body. I suspect my blogging has slowed down as a matter of course, however, I very much wish to post about Penn State when I have the mental energy to express my thoughts. Thanks to those who follow this blog.
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