Yesterday I saw the movie Unknown with Liam Neeson. Early in the movie, his character is in an accident and has amnesia for some of his life. Without giving away the ending, I just want to say his questions were my questions. I am still thinking about the film and beyond. All the unanswered questions of my life.
If my birth was planned to have a child for the covert government program, whose child am I? Not anyone who claims me. Most of the world doesn't believe the government would have hurt or be hurting, raping, torturing children for "national security" reasons. The government has never taken care of me in a good way. And the people I thought were my parents cast me aside as soon as I began to remember.
I was raised by people training me to do their evil deeds who certainly never wanted me to remember them. In my "cover story" home, I did love my mother. But she left me alone with my abusive father who terrified me. I know in hindsight his job from the beginning was to maintain the terror that was needed in my government world to continue creating my dissociative structure.
I was passed from one "handler" to another and have no idea how many I've had in my lifetime. I am certain of two along with others who were primarily programming or training me, always to be covered over by an intentionally horrific and traumatizing memory in hopes I'd never reach the memories below telling me what was really happening in my life.
Because the purpose of my life was to be a controlled multiple, the majority of my life was outside of my conscious awareness. I lived a backwards life. No love, no nurturing, no free will. Cues and commands and codes...like a robot or machine.
So who am I? What am I? I'm healing from something few believe happened. I'm healing from a diagnosis that is swept under the rug by psychological and psychiatric communities, not to mention the universities, hospitals, and military and government entities complicit in the program.
After more than a decade of research and healing by processing surfacing memories combined with conscious knowledge, I think technology has replaced the need to create a population of mind-controlled adults beginning at birth with a lifetime of trauma at least for the purposes they had in mind. I do believe the underground world of pedophilia and child slavery use the intentional dissociation to create life long "slaves" which has become a huge nightmare worldwide.
The covert government (and obviously some overt government) have achieved their 1947 goal of creating a fear-based nation where war makes the money for the few and those few make the decisions for the rest of us. Are we that psycho-civilized society of Jose M. R. Delgado's "dreams"? Is it too late to turn back?
Are you really a citizen of a land of free will? I was not and do not believe I am now because I can see now. I am not dissociated to the rest of the world. I am nobody's child. I was not born. I was produced by the underbelly of our country for evil purposes. Much has been "born" from the premise of national security "for your protection".
Can a country willing to torture children from birth to create a society of Manchurian Candidates and beyond really have its citizen's best interests at heart? Until that underworld is eradicated, I can assure you thousands more will surface, predominantly children of military and government-related employees born from 1947 through the 60s.
I am Nobody's Child and everyone's nightmare. Who am I now in this non-dissociated life? If my purpose in life is not to tell the truth, I do not understand the universe.