Pedophilia To Become "Normalized"?

This societal issue is sickening to me and to every other survivor of having been molested as a child. I have been watching a growing trend and stronger influence being forced by "pro-pedophile" members of the mental health community. Yes, that's right. Even mental health professionals (or persons in any category of life) can be pedophiles. They are now organizing to downgrade pedophilia from a crime to a mental disorder.

You can be certain any pro-child abuse movement has money and power behind it. Here is one link and you can research on your own for your personal edification.

Individuals don't have the power to fight such madness but organizations to protect children hopefully will pull together to stop this insanity. With the huge slavery trade that is now untouchable and highly infused within the international community and our governments, is this the next step? Is this part of an agenda to be society ruled by child-preying beings...monsters?

Please share your awareness of this matter with your known child protection organizations...and pray they can make a difference.

Validation...A Bittersweet Win

Yesterday I found a link on Facebook posted by Jeanne Sarson and Linda MacDonald. They presented a paper at the Canadian Peace Research Association 2011 Conference And Annual General Council Meeting. The astounding topic was Spillover Torture from the Military/Warring Sphere Into the Private Sphere: Making Visible A Silenced Human Rights Violation and Victimized Person's 'Body Talk'.  (Clicking on the link downloads the PDF to your computer. It is safe. I have downloaded it several times and it is deemed safe by Norton.)

The document defines graphically the different types of torture employed in pedophilia to include the category of "torture to force dissociative responses". It was sickeningly validating to read such things as human trafficking statistics tended to be higher around military bases. Military personnel trained to do harm in their military positions with abusive tendencies were inclined to inflict the same techniques of harm on their children. I'm paraphrasing at this point and greatly encourage you to view the document for yourself.

Polyvore by grace22444

Most shocking to me, and the purpose of the presentation, was what is classified a torture in a military setting is not classified as torture in the private sector. In other words, pedophiles can torture children but it is not considered to be a crime. The presentation was to have torture categorized as a punishable offense in the private sector. A child might be molested repeatedly and the perpetrator would be charged for just that. If the child were also tortured, that, as it stands now, would not be a separate criminal charge.

It's difficult to get this document out of my mind. All I've been trying to say in my blogs was stated so succinctly in the presentation with the research to back it up. We, the survivors, have been telling our stories now online, through books, at conferences...being heard. Linda MacDonald and Jean Sarson took the years of research and put it together to advocate for us.

Thank you, Linda and Jean. I hope the world listens to your very powerful presentation.

Psyops to Pedophilia

The most documented evidence of a military tie to pedophilia is the former Lt. Col. Michael Aquino, head of PsyOps of the U.S. Army. While still active in his role in the Army, he self-proclaimed himself a satanist and began his Temple of Set in California. Here is an excerpt similar to many I have seen in my research on Aquino:

Throughout much of the 1980s, Aquino was at the center of a controversy involving the Pentagon's acquiescence to outright Satanic practices inside the military services. Aquino was also a prime suspect in a series of pedophile scandals involving the sexual abuse of hundreds of children, including the children of military personnel serving at the Presidio U.S. Army station in the San Francisco Bay Area. Furthermore, even as Aquino was being investigated by Army Criminal Investigation Division officers for involvement in the pedophile cases, he was retaining highest-level security clearances, and was involved in pioneering work in military psychological operations ("psy-ops")."

However, the majority of the U.S. population REFUSES to acknowledge cult activity or satanic activity. I'd like to be perfectly clear with my personal statement to the world. CULT and SATANIC are code for pedophile rings.

More validation comes from the case in Nebraska involving Paul A. Bonacci v. Lawrence E. King, a civil action in which the plaintiff charged that he had been ritualistically abused by the defendant, as part of a nationwide pedophile ring linked to powerful political figures in Washington and to elements of the U.S. military and intelligence establishment. Mr. Bonacci won the case.

I provide information that you can validate on your own. If you know of any of the history of the Nazi party, you know that they were required to worship Satan, where the intentional dissociation of children ensured a world for pedophiles. In the Temple of Set, Aquino welcomed neo-Nazi groups and had ties to the Nazis.

Now, if all could take a giant step backwards and see a covert plan between the Nazis and the U.S. as affirmed by Operation Paperclip as well as U.S. financed experiments in the concentration camps, possibly you might see a greater picture of the plan to dissociate the children of our country beginning with the military and its connections.

Which government is running our country...controlling our country. I invite all who read this to at least open their minds and check on some of these facts on your own. Does it sound preposterous? Yes. Is it? No.

The organizations who have been active in trying to catch pedophile rings online and rescue the children, have been able to trace back a fair number of stories to the government. It is real. They see it. Just today an article connected prostituting children from DynCorp to the military.

This is the website I used to cite the Aquino connection and the Bonacci case, but you can find much more on other more notable websites and books on this topic:
http://www.theforbiddenknowledge.com/hardtruth/satanic_subversion.htm

Maybe I should start Project Open Mind. Consider if I'm right.This missing link is acknowledging the CULT and SATANIC that keep the pedophile rings perfectly safe at their most destructive level.

Call to Action

Wasn't sure where to blog about this. Have been in healing mode for so long but wanting to make a difference. Even though I am feeling tired and a bit unfocused, I saw a tweet about a Call for Proposals for the The National Council for Community Mental Health Care. Their 41st National Council Mental Health and Addictions Conference was looking for proposals to speak from "regular" people in addition to their high profile speakers. One of the topics fit right in with my desire to educate re the connection between DID and organized pedophilia.

The passion rose up so quickly inside me. I'd never done a Call for Proposal before and the deadline was less than a week after I found it. I tweeted that it would be my dream to have a national audience. Attendees will be members of the organizations wanting to help and protect children.

I completed the application a few days before the deadline and it helped me focus on how I would make the presentation. Maybe some agencies don't want to know that tie, but I believe most would be surprised to learn their missions need to be revised in some way to address survivors of child porn, trafficking, etc.

I may barely make it to aquatherapy some days, but I am driven to make that presentation. Am hoping those who are followers of this blog send intentions and good energy to the National Council for this presentation to be made. It could be a great beginning of true awareness. Those chosen will become known in January.

Trauma vs. Trauma

In my Believe the Children blog, I speak of Tyler who was trapped in the underworld of pedophilia by primary caregivers and their extended network for nearly two years. Recently I began to work with him again...my only client who I see in his home since I have no office or plans to return to trauma work. Since my disability began in 2008, Tyler had not received appropriate treatment for PTSD. He dissociated very little of the abuse and remembers most of what happened.

Those of us who did not begin to have memories until near or at mid-life know how much fear overcomes us to reveal even an aspect of a memory, let alone an entire memory. Tyler, at 10 years old, carries with him constant memories of the horrific abuse and threats. He is in a constant state of paranoia that he somehow keeps under wraps until he is with one of his parents or me. He believes at any moment, his primary male abuser is going to kill him and no one will be able to stop the inevitable.

I did realize most recently that he dissociates when another child beats him up. In relaying his memories, however, he has details up to that point by abusers, and afterwards. I have learned much about pedophile tactics by unraveling his messages.

Since Tyler never developed fully to DID, he remembers. It would be as if suddenly all the worst possible stuff of my life were to become conscious. No adult with DID can imagine the kind of pain and fear that would bring. Part of me wishes Tyler had developed the DID so he wasn't constantly suffering. He lives in a lonely place in his mind that is always reminding him of imminent death.

DID or no DID. What organized pedophiles "share" to cause a child to dissociate is the same wordwide. If Tyler's dangerous situation had not been identified, he might already be lost for decades to that world.

Step 1: Take a child not older than 4, preferably at birth, and impose the most horrific traumatic environment and instill fear/paranoia as quickly as possible.

Step 2: Continue step one until child's mind becomes overwhelmed and fragments.

Step 3: Teach parts to come forward with certain cues.

Which is how an adult who was born into that world will have many child parts who know the most devastating details of the abuse.

The one thing I keep hearing is "no one would do that to a child". This bears repeating...good people have minds that don't have the capacity to imagine the level of evil to where a pedophile's mind goes. It's all about dissociating the child so they have a victim for life and someone who can't tell due to amnesia.

Many survivors of that world are here online working with each other while healing. Oprah will be addressing DID on Wednesday, but the emphasis seems to be on number of alters. That's not the point at all. Each horribly abused child creates as many alters as is necessary for their individual mind. Numbers don't matter. They all heal by the same process.

How can we undo the stigma of DID as being crazy for having more than one personality when there are so many wanting to help those children trapped in that world. We can't help those children without knowing and understanding DID.

We have to rely on each other

This post is inspired by a discussion on Facebook today along with a discussion I had in real life earlier today with my aquatherapist. She has a two-year-old son. Recently she and her husband took their son to the Baltimore Aquarium...also a sea of children running around. At one point she noticed her husband was not holding their son's hand because the child wanted to run ahead to another exhibit. My therapist immediately gathered up her child and explained to her husband that the Aquarium was the perfect breeding ground for a pedophile and they were not going to let go of their son.

This is what I have been saying in another way. We have to think like a pedophile to protect our children. They look like anyone else and they get along splendidly with children. Am recalling an Oprah show where a well liked neighbor had molested many of the neighborhood children including his own.

The State Departments of Children Services (DCS) are generally understaffed and underfunded. Neighbors need to be better neighbors and not give up even if DCS has visited and found no wrong doing. A story in the news today tells of diligent neighbors who kept complaining until proper intervention was made and two young children were pulled from a home of filth and squalor.

If it's a popular place for children, time to tighten up parental supervision. The good guys need to be their own police and we need a reliable enforcement system for when parents are being abusive. A community-driven child safety organization...that is also willing to look within its own ranks.

In a beautiful pea green boat by grace2244 (kinda dazed) on Polyvore.com

Pedophile Network into Government

I'm so sick of this stuff. The county in which I had tried to enlist help for my client who is still being horrifically harmed by a group of male perps, just had it's former County Commissioner arrested for illegal sexual activities. He videotaped himself 100 to 500 times having sexual encounters with young men, most of whom he hired as escorts. It's so obvious on our local level. No wonder law enforcement won't touch it or puts the blame on victims. They don't want any part of shaking up the system that supports the perverse activities of those who could impact the employment of a "whistleblower".

I was personally attacked by the county Attorney General's office and a local rape crisis unit in attempting to advocate for my client under constant attack by "child alter predators" for lack of a better term. We need a new vocabulary to include these acts of rape and education with a safe way of reporting for victims as well as enforcers of the law.

I'm guessing it happens nationally but there are a few cemeteries in my greater area that are attacked on a regular basis by "vandals". Except that it takes heavy duty construction equipment to knock over the tombstones which would be impossible by a few teenage thugs. A recent local news report told of a cemetery where vandalism happened on the same night for several weeks in a row. Well why the heck wasn't there a surveillance camera on that third week? Is it just me? Why wouldn't it be THAT simple? Unless it really wasn't the intent to find the "vandals". And why doesn't law enforcement get real and look at the dates on the calendar set up by the perps for their meetings to see that every year the cemeteries are attacked on the same days or within the same time period?

I was able to do that online to see the pattern. I'm not law enforcement. Do you know how many people come to this website by searching for pedophile sites? It sickens me. Who do I report that to? Does anyone care? Yoohoo. Looking for pedophiles? Follow these IP addresses.

I hope Obama is elected and has the power to truly shake out the government of all the secret connections to pedophilia and put an end to whatever was started during the Cold War. Some of the most active in the publicly known shame of MK-Ultra are still alive.

Look at this quote taken from this description of MK-Ultra:

The Agency [CIA] poured millions of dollars into studies probing dozens of methods of influencing and controlling the mind. One 1955 MK-ULTRA document gives an indication of the size and range of the effort; this document refers to the study of an assortment of mind-altering substances described as follows:

1. Substances which will promote illogical thinking and impulsiveness to the point where the recipient would be discredited in public.

Gee, doesn't this sound like what happens to adult survivors with DID? We are discredited and it was intentional. I believe there is no greater example of government and world psychiatric involvement with MK-Ultra than this. Documents exist that prove Canadian psychiatrist Ewen Cameron was the recipient of funds from MK-Ultra to do mind control experiments at the Allan Memorial Institute of McGill University in Canada. His victims were unwitting participants and suffered lifelong aftereffects. During his time of involvement with the government program in the 50s and 60s, Cameron was the head of the World Psychiatric Association as well as president of both the Canadian and American Psychiatric Associations. The Canadian government knew of the involvement and provided additional funding!

This was the known beginning of government agencies involved in ordinary citizens becoming unwitting victims of human experimentation. Rather than provide citations, I encourage interested readers to google a few key words and learn for yourself. Read the actual documents as opposed to someone interpreting "on your behalf". You be the judge. It has never been acknowledged that children were used as part of MK-Ultra yet, simultaenously, children were being used by the Department of Energy as cited in another post on this blog. Why wouldn't they use children? Why wouldn't they tap into the evil nature of pedophiles among their own ranks? Why do so many with DID who grew up in the 50s and 60s have similar memories of government and hospitals and institutions connected to universities? It's all in the MK-Ultra hearings. The survivors are the proof.

The former County Commissioner arrested in my area this week is proof. The woman I used to treat will soon no longer be able to tell her story. Everything connects to everything. I pray for a new government...the sooner the better. At some point good people will tune in and listen and find those missing 600,000 children reported by the FBI in 2007 as adult victims with a diagnosis of DID and needing mental health care to help them heal from so many years as the invisible abused. Let's not wait another 30 to 50 years to learn the truth about these children.

Question your reality. Check the facts. Don't let the media think for you.

Preparing for Oct 31st

Any survivor of organized pedophilia or a pedophile who made holidays a day of abuse dreads Halloween, beginning with the store decorations a month or more earlier. Then come the lawn decorations. We use our coping skills. More are needed during early healing. I'm pretty much healed from dissociation but still have PTSD with a few very strong responses remaining.

Yesterday, I was the passenger (thank goodness) in a car following a car that had a partial arm and hand hanging out of the trunk. I didn't see it initially. When I did, I went into a screaming sort of panic attack. I was observant of the reaction and calmed myself down but hated having to follow that car for another five minutes. I was angry that people thought that was funny.

Early in healing, I couldn't deal with the lawn decorations and especially the night of trick or treating. Little kids in costumes. But it was terrifying. Trigger overload. I've lost many of those responses. Either I'm just subconsciously blanking out the decorated homes or not as many people are doing lawn skeletons or graveyards or dead people hanging off of roofs this year. I've been okay but still dread it.

I know I spoke of this before but it's very much on my mind right now and on the minds of survivors and victims everywhere. An innocent pumpkin even uncarved, sends a bit of a chill down my spine. Still. Something horrid happened on Halloween night that went into November 1st when I was very young. I think I had just turned two. It has stayed with me and my mind never let go of whatever happened. I think I know, but I will never have proof. Except that I have PTSD to Halloween after ten years of healing and even helping others to cope with their own Halloween PTSD.

I will cope. I have the skills. I shouldn't have to cope though. No child should ever have to cope with the level of trauma those with DID endure and endured.

Footnote to video

I just have to say it. The appearance is that the FBI is providing safe haven for pedophiles. Is that the message they want to be conveying?

How much is government entrenched in that world? We all have seen so many politicians under the spotlight for sexual proclivities. I recall the one Dateline where a state legislator was identified as a pedophile. We know it is at all levels of society to include our vast government.

I learned something very important about pedophiles. Most of us know that rape is not about sex; it's about power. The same is true for pedophiles. For them, it's about absolute power. It's as if the person is void of feelings unless he or she is completely dominating another. That explains the viciousness of their crimes with such intentionality. I haven't known a survivor of this abuse yet who didn't believe she would have died if her mind hadn't coped through DID.

While women are in the minority, they do represent a portion of the world of pedophiles. It has been my personal experience (through the shared history of others), that female pedophiles are just as deadly with emotional abuse as sexual abuse. Know there is no remorse in such people.

"Sociopath: a person, as a psychopathic personality, ...who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience." (Dictionary.com)

It seems that pedophile is beyond sociopath. I've been very troubled since assembling the video, because the FBI's lack of attention screamed out at me. Maybe one day very soon our collective voice can scream back at them. Not only to add that one column to their weekly police reports for "reported cult abuse", but also to back up the individual's report at the local level with documentation. This is where understanding and accepting DID as the manifestation of horrific abuse BEFORE AGE 6 is crucial. Interviewing someone with DID under current predator abuse by necessity must involve speaking to the dissociated states who know the abuse and other helpful facts such as names, locations, or partial descriptions.

The helpful truth will be in the patterns of reports and child alter drawings. That's not going to happen unless the community makes it safe to report. So much change. Pedophiles and their spokespeople have run the country for too long.

Every child deserves a chance

Good news today. Legislation has passed in New York to treat minors used for sexual exploitation as victims rather than prosecute them as offenders. This is certainly a step in the right direction. I would hope other states quickly follow suit. From my perspective, legislation needs to go that one step further to provide the same services to adult survivors of child exploitation who, through no fault of their own, don't remember until later in life. Assistance provided by this Safe Harbor Act includes counseling, emergency services and long term housing solutions.

I read something yesterday that made me think how the situation would be different if the nation went after pedophilia at its source of gathering. The issue was why pedophiles were not being given appropriate help to heal from their own child abuse. Without delving into the research, I believe it has been proven that, by the time the individual reaches a certain age, it's too late. It's true that pedophiles do train boys to become pedophiles. But if those boys were rescued and provided with resources for long-term therapy and safety, imagine the impact that could have for the boys who were saved as well as the nation. Getting help for young boys "in training" would reduce the pedophile population for the future.

I recall one of Katie's disclosures. Typically it was "older boys" or the "bad men" who came in groups. One day she told me a little boy was with them. She didn't know numbers but knew the boy was older than her. He could write and count. For some reason, the perps left the young boy with her for several hours while they went off to heaven only knows what destruction. She relayed that the little boy said he didn't like being with the men. In fact he helped her by hiding the "little phone" (the cell phone) so it would not be taken from her when they returned. That little boy told Katie. Even if the adult part of her was able to hear (co-consciousness) of the child's plea, her report to authorities would have been dismissed. Knowing about it and having no resources to report feels very helpless.

If I become aware of a child's abuse, I am compelled to report to Children & Youth within 24 hours. Since I had already been rebuffed by law enforcement several times and knew how they treated both Katie and my other client, I had no resources. In Tyler's case, he reported his toddler brother was also being hurt by bio mom and her boyfriend as well as the boyfriend's teenage son. I can only hope that Tyler's stepbrother was rescued from that situation. Tyler was terrified of the toddler, viewing him also as someone who hurt him. My mind has only one concept of what might have been done to cause that to happen, but just is no telling. Maybe one day Tyler will have the vocabulary to tell.

In my memories, my younger sister's mere appearance in a dream caused me to wake up screaming in terror. It took several years to fully process what that meant. The answer I got was that I had been told repeatedly that she could kill me if she were told. That made sense because she was so aggressive as a child. She would fight at the least provocation with fingernails digging, biting, hair pulling. My older sister and I were nonviolent and tried to protect ourselves from her. Of course any complaining we did to our parents about the little sister being so mean led to scolding or worse because we were older and were supposed to know better or set an example. It wasn't until we were all adults that we could get along together. You can see how subconsciously I would avoid my sister for any type of affectionate bond.

No matter what I remembered, it made perfect sense in the spectrum of my conscious life. It was self-validating. Those who would ask, "Where's the proof", I would answer "in the healing". I was lucky. I didn't have to wait for ten misdiagnoses before I knew I had DID. I found a good therapist within two years. I did heal. I've been at home for a year recuperating from a medical disaster learning I was the therapist other psychiatrists and doctors were referring their dissociative patients to. There is such a shortage of trained therapists. It's not fair. I know that life is not fair. But this whole issue of survivors having to go through hurdle after hurdle, fighting to heal, is so not fair.

A dilemma of the underworld variety

I’m not able to convey Katie’s story at this time but I can relay my story. What happened…is still happening…to Katie is an example of how insidious organized pedophilia is and how unbelievable it sounds. It is because of Katie that I have the full picture of the vastness, invisibility, and community denial of the existence of sophisticated pedophiles. They are like wolves and travel in packs. Rarely had Katie recalled only one perp. My other client had her evil “posse” harassing her in the outside world and the same group of people entering her home to hurt her who were part of the group in the robes. She knew they were all the same people. Katie has the intensity and frequency of abuse without the masked charade.

I don’t understand the frequency. It’s relentless. All survivors I have known of intentional DID have memories that make us all question how it happened. In trying to advocate for Katie with police and another organization to help women, my explaining that Katie was being “hurt” in her home and other locations was dismissed as her lying to me for attention. No one took my reports seriously. Don't you think, as a therapist, I would have some sense if someone was lying to me? The belief that DID can be faked is so far fetched. When you see it on television, remember the actors are acting. They know what to say and do and there are retakes if they get it wrong--to make the audience believe DID is an "easy deception". Nothing could be farther from the truth.

I recall in my healing having a moment when I thought it would have been impossible to have been abused as much as I was recalling. My own unbelievability factor surfaced many times. Of course survivors question what comes up too. It's why those who don't want the world to figure out try at all costs to prevent survivors from speaking to each other...much the same way siblings are manipulated to not get along in an incestuous environment. What is known is that organized pedophiles do everything to extreme to maintain their unbelievability quotient. Since I had two survivors with such similar circumstances but different groups (communities not far from each other), each telling me a frequency of abuse of at least several times a week, it was more of a validation of what I knew from my own memories and those of every other survivor born into a family of see, hear, speak no evil.

My own family has no recollection when I was gone for weeks at a time as proven in school records. The perp message is “remember to forget”. I still don’t notice if someone or something is missing. I don’t see who or what is not there. I literally forget my friends if I don’t see an email from them every few days. I’ll eventually remember. I call it “falling off my radar”.

Pedophiles have perfect set ups, especially if there are small (or not so small) groups of families known to be part of the underground where a victim “chooses” to live. It’s the only explanation for no one reporting the constant barrage to home and body. There are other options available to pedophiles though, particularly when the former child has a driver's license and access to a car. To be continued.

Is there a nice word for a pedophile?

I think it was the beginning of Friday's Oprah when she commented on the huge response to her plea for viewers to contact their state senators to pass the Protect the Children legislation before the Senate. She also indicated she had received the most vile email ever from predators. They don't like it when their world is messed with. Oprah can make people take action. And she can afford the security that goes with threatening a nation of pedophiles.

While she reinforced some of the themes I've tried to convey, she missed the mark again. I thought she almost had it. She indicated how "systematic" they were and how organized they were. She relayed how they use the internet to exchange secrets of how to lure children. (Really? I wouldn't have expected that...) Then, when she could have shifted to how pedophiles were in existence long before the internet and built their bases "underground" and invisibly, she returned to how important it was to crack down on the internet predators who trade the kiddie porn.

OMG. It's not just kiddie porn! So much more is being done with children than trading their pictures on the internet. Can you say "child exploitation"? Why not go after the level where the CHILDREN ARE. I'm frustrated. Can you tell?

I already wrote to Oprah and John Walsh. Maybe if you do too, someone with clout will pay attention. The big question, "Pedophiles know dissociation. Do you?"

One more vent and that's it for today. It's tough letting one's mind be down in the gutter in that horrid place. The word "pedophile" is offensive to many. That is why "predator" is more accepted. Guess what, people? It is ugly. There is nothing delicate or easy about it. We, as a nation, need to take our heads out of the sand and see this ugly world our children are subjected to. We have to wrap our heads around it, for lack of a better term, to understand how to best protect the children from it and how law enforcement can best strategize to pursue and obliterate it.

It is going to take an army. But I do believe it can be done community by community if the people scream loudly enough for proper education, funding, and action.

Unbelievable resources

I don't remember my own followers or enforcers or whatever the bad guys are called who hang around your life once leaving childhood and/or the home of a parent pedophile. I know it happens. I just didn't know to what degree. As a therapist, I witnessed several people constantly harass, frighten, and trigger my first client who knew she was tied to organized pedophiles who hid behind the devil worship scenario. She told me often that she had seen certain people follow her and/or be visible as a threat when she arrived at my office. I began to walk out with her following her appointment and the people she had described were indeed there.
I became familiar with several vehicles, drivers, bicycle man, and one or two who happened to always be strolling right past the steps to the practice at the time the door opened for her to exit. It was alarming how their timing always coincided even when her appointment time or date changed. In trying to report the stalking tactic to local police, I was told, unless someone actually hurt her, nothing could be done. Of course, reporting "cult" activity was useless. It was known among therapists in the area that certain towns and communities were known for supporting (or not deterring) such activities, police included. It only takes one police officer in a small community department to make it miserable for those trying to report.

Because I had tried to gain more protection for her, and because I was helping her undo some of the messages keeping her stuck from healing, I became a target. I guess the theory is that hopefully either the therapist or victim/survivor will be too frightened to continue. Bike man would dart out into traffic from between cars where he couldn't possibly see me at precisely the moment my car was next. That can only happen if a second person is involved and knows exactly where I am and informs bike man. It didn't matter how late I worked, that bike whizzed right past me as I came down the steps outside. Who was watching my office for the light to go out? And where were they watching from?

I went to a law enforcement gear store and purchased mace. The store was staffed by off duty police officers. One showed me the correct way to use the mace and helped me understand my rights. I could only use the mace if I felt threatened. As much as I wanted to spray bikeman as he passed by, that wasn't allowed. I had pictures of several of the victim's perps and automobiles. That continued until last year when I had to stop work for medical reasons.

A year after beginning work with the first actively abused client, I began to work with a second woman newly diagnosed by a psychiatrist and referred to me. At the time we began our work, neither of us knew she was still actively being assaulted by a group of "older boys" and a few "men" who seemed to lead the group. I again witnessed the car described by a child alter following her as well as other vehicles over the course of our work. My name was used to threaten the child part--they would kill me if she kept on seeing me. I became aware of her perps following me and cutting me off on several occasions--not as predictably as my other client. When activity heated up, I carried a camera in my car. I have photos of the red Silverado 4x4 that harassed me on my way to spontaneously run an errand (coincidentally when my SO was out of town for the weekend).

My thinking was that I could have been wrong about the red truck. Maybe it was just an idiot driver. I would know on my return trip because "they" would get back on my trail at about the place they got off my trail. Having had that experience, I was afraid to stop and get gas even though I was completely on empty. My camera was ready. I passed the shopping mall parking lot where the man in the red hat turned off. He pulled out in front of me at the first major intersection after the mall. He stayed ahead of me until I was turning down my street from the last major road. He turned the other way. I clearly saw the same person both times. And I had gotten photos of the truck and license plates.

When I looked at the photos, my program was able to view the license plates clearly. Knowing they used stolen/lost license plates, I wanted to have the picture for both directions. I was surprised (and not surprised) to see it was two different red Silverado 4x4s. One was an older version. If the day ever comes where someone is interested in catching these thugs, I would bet both license plates lead nowhere. The change of vehicle means at least one other person was involved. And who knew I was leaving my home where I live in a garaged townhome? Who knew my SO was away?

Two different survivors of abuse from different groups of pedophiles. Each had at least four identifiable perps on a regular basis harassing or stalking them or me. It is not okay to heal. It is unfathomable to realize the "manpower" is so great that there might be multiple (no pun intended) perps assigned to one healing survivor to keep her from seeking help. That is astronomical resources if that is "typical".

It became known over the course of my work with one person that known perps lived nearby. For one it was in the same apartment complex. She was able to recognize certain perps as the same ones in the horror ceremonies. My other client actually moved from one home where she had been abused in a dissociative state for more than ten years. Within several weeks of moving to her new apartment, they were inside that dwelling with no neighbors reporting anything suspicious. How can this happen? Are there pedophile communities where victims think they are consciously choosing to live?

Initially I believed all of my abuse happened either at the hands of my father growing up to the time I broke free when I was in my late teens. Consciously I just knew I hated him and wanted to get away. He used numerous tactics that caused me to remain in the same home. It sickens me to think of the guilt I endured believing it would "kill my mother" if I moved out on my own. In any event, it was later in my healing that I began to recall abuse since moving to the area where I still live. My parents moved far away thirty years ago. The first person to come up as a perp in my local life (and adult life) was a much loved next door neighbor from my high school years. His family and our family were close friends even after we moved into another neighborhood. I stayed in touch after my parents moved away. Eventually I severed ties with anyone from my past realizing I just had no way of knowing who was a good guy or a bad guy.

During a session with one of the currently-abused individuals, she blurted out the name of my former neighbor as one of her abusers. Talk about a conflict of interest. She transitioned to working with another therapist. That validation was so stunning and unexpected. I babysat for that family. I was in his home so many times. He referred me to the company and provided a reference for my first employment out of high school--the company where he worked. Doesn't that just bring up all kinds of other questions?

This is a small area compared to many cities in the U.S. Survivors are in every community. The more absurd it sounds, remember that's the way it was meant to sound. If I'm sounding beyond belief, gotcha.

Today's Oprah Show on Pedophiles

I rushed home from physical therapy today to watch Oprah's show on pedophiles. Important points were made, especially that most abuse takes place in the home or by someone with frequent access to the child. A new law and additional funds for law enforcement will help. But it still misses the mark.

What good is it if pedophiles at the top of the pile are put in jail while survivors of their abuse are maligned members of society and the nation refuses to see the greater truth? Organized pedophiles are like bee hives. You have to track down the "queen bee" and the hive at one of their gatherings for sharing their love of hurting children. But that's not going to happen because we all know there are no such thing as cults. As long as we believe that, the world is swatting at the worker bees.

It's going to take a leader to get people to think differently--a spokesperson. I'm "just" a survivor of that horrific world and a therapist who has worked with survivors to help them heal. I have the big picture and a few blogs. All each of us can do is keep trying to get the truth out there.

One of the last statements on today's show was how we don't understand the pedophile mindset to inflict such harm. The survivors have the answers. And the nation has been trained well to completely dismiss their insight.

One person can't go after this. Yes, we need dedicated resources to attack it. Yes, we need funding for the resources. But we also need to understand the pedophile mindset to effectively make pedophilia a target. It lives in the cults. Which don't exist (?) Do you trust your children in a community where no one is listening to where the pedophiles gather?

You saw today how one pedophile (without the help from others except through internet knowledge) could drug an entire group of girls at a slumber party and videotape them for the porn "community". What do you think they are capable of doing in a group?

Please visit Oprah's website to support the Protect Our Children Act, legislation about to come up for a vote to better arm the nation to go after pedophiles. Do it soon and demand the legislature not leave for their break until it is passed.

Maybe this other knowledge will find its way to the "new guard" in time to be included in their overall strategy to go after pedophiles.

The big D

This blog is my safe place, more or less, to discuss and process what's on my mind after writing posts so entrenched in the pedophile mindset. Mostly I feel angry after posting about how children are spun around to cause disorientation. Why is that even questioned? We all know that anything to extreme is not good. When we play with children, they often enjoy being spun in circles. Think pedophile. Start off being a nice guy playing a game with the child. And then take it to the extreme. That's pretty much the basis of the mindset of inducing a dissociative state. And remember that they WANT the dissociative state so the child won't remember the evil perpetrated on him or her.

It's a sad reality that boys typically respond differently growing up with abuse, consciously or subconsciously, known or unknown. I've had the privilege of working with several men who weren't in the majority. Possibly it also depends on the sex of the abuser. If the main abuser was mom (and moms can be part of organized pedophilia too), it may provoke a different behavior response than an adult male in that child's life. I'm sure statistics are available but, at the moment, I'm not in research mode. Boys born or drafted into a world of abuse are usually taught how to be pedophiles. Girls are typically taught to submit to any pressure for sexual activity. Children tell by acting out. No child is born knowing how to sexually abuse another child.

There's an aspect of growing up dissociative I did not realize was so prevalent until I was a therapist working with survivors. Pedophiles can tell if a child is dissociative. I don't know how. Maybe we have an invisible D on our foreheads. It's rarely just a parent or single caretaker who was the abuser. It's a father and an uncle; or an uncle and the man down the street; or several brothers, a father and an uncle. Children who were a part of organized pedophilia seem to remember "parties" and auctions (children sold to the highest bidder for whatever perverted inclination the "buyer" has). I posted the link to a court case below. The pedophile charged confessed to placing an internet ad to trade a toddler for an older child.

Just imagine what it does to an adult survivor's sense of worth when memories of having been abused by many comes up...or being sold or traded. Such survivors have usually been in many unsuccessful relationships, have been predominantly promiscuous or anti-sex (or both when dissociative states are created), and they have no understanding of why they can't find the right person until they realize their subconscious world holds terror of men and so much horrific treatment.

I sure hope my blogs are getting people to talk about this. It has to come out of the closet and be examined. It's worth it even if I do have mild panic attacks after each post.

Backlash of "Telling"

As a survivor of years of abuse at the hands of organized pedophiles, I have instilled into my being--likely scarred into my being--the message it is not okay to tell. As a therapist who helped trauma survivors, I heard the same messages over and over again. Survivors used the same expressions to describe experiences. It was uncanny. Pedophiles do operate from the same "handbook".

With every aspect of my healing, I had to deal with "do not tell" threats and fear. When memories first begin to emerge, the fear is barely tolerable, it's so overwhelming. All the deeply instilled messages come up: Don't tell or you will die. Don't tell or we will kill everyone you love. If you tell, no one will believe you. If you tell, they will lock you up forever. We are watching your every move and know when you tell. So you can see going to see a therapist becomes a terrifying decision.

Setting up my websites and blogs to "tell" has triggered some residual horror. Consciously I know it is good telling. The world needs to know. Have others figured this out before? If so, I haven't seen it. Having come from that world full circle to helping others out of that world, I have my own insight plus knowledge from clients that connected my own dots. I have the unabashed truth. The most protected groups of organized pedophilia are the cults who appear to "worship Satan". The pedophile view is that they have created memories so horrific, the survivor, in remembering, will never get to the underlying level of messages that it was about perverted people hurting children in the most vile of ways.

And now the nation has been embroiled in an argument about whether ritual abuse or satanic cults exist and not getting to the underlying truth that it is about organized pedophiles ensuring their victims never tell or will never be believed. That's a huge "telling". I find it ironic that they did to the nation's mindset what they do to a child's mindset--keep everyone stuck at the unbelievable and unimaginable. "People don't DO that to children!" Well, pedophiles do.

Even though I am substantially healed, as I move through the rest of my life, I encounter new situations when it becomes apparent that something hasn't healed yet because it becomes "triggered". A trigger is anything in the environment that connects to a subconscious fear. Of course, once a person begins to identify their triggers, they are no longer subconscious. Even though known, it may take years to extinguish a trigger. Some of mine have extinguished. Some are controlled. And some still get that lovely startle scream. But the "do not tell" message, for me, has come up as body memories as much as internal messages of fear. The Body Remembers is a book I highly recommend to understand this aspect of healing abuse. The body has memory cells just as the brain does. Research has been released on this topic and is validated by several books and articles on the subject.

From the day I published Forbidden Topic, my body responded with several signs of remembered horror to include insect bites while confined in a small space and inability to move or scream to stop the pain of rising blisters in extremely painful and hidden areas of my body from cigarette burns. I had not realized the message that went with those memories was not to tell until now. Several messages usually accompany that level of especially "demonic" abuse. I don't know if my body will ever be able to stop showing me. It could be a self punishment my body was conditioned to perpetrate on me--if you tell, you'll be burned with cigarettes in the most painful areas.

Do I remember that being done to me? No. Do I believe it was done to me? Yes. Does it matter if anyone else believes it was done to me? No. Is it important for me to know so I can heal? Yes. But it is important for society to believe that organized pedophiles abuse in unimaginable ways. They can and do inflict horror for the purpose of trauma for the purpose of creating and reinforcing dissociative states to allow their activities to go on for years. I was recently made aware of a court decision outlining some of a sadistic pedophile's activities. This may be triggering to survivors. It is proof of the incomprehensible to a child.

Wake up, America. Hear me roar. Hear that children everywhere are prey, especially babies and youngsters before the age of six. Tyler, my client whom I worked with when he was 5-6 years old, remembered it all. I don't know how he didn't dissociate. Not dissociating (which is not the child's choice) allowed him to be believed. The same horrors that happened to him happen to those who have dissociated. Yet we choose to ignore their pleas for help? Think about it. Also think about the statistic that of children who die from abuse, the most deaths are for children under 5. Dissociation IS a survival skill.

Protecting the children bashed by McCain

According to the online Wall Street Journal blog of 9/9/08: Obama supported an Illinois state senate bill allowing for "age-appropriate" sex education for K-12 instruction. The intent of the bill was to protect young children from sexual predators. A McCain ad characterized Obama as someone who supported teaching kindergartners about sex before learning to read.

As long as politicians twist the well intentioned to help our young children be safe for political advantage, our nation's children who are prey to child predators everywhere at anytime will be more vulnerable to molestation, abduction, and worse.

It makes me wonder how prevalent the sickness of violating a child runs through our government. Oh...right. Politicians never have perverse sexual interests... Why is legislation for obliterating organized pedophilia not a non-partisan priority. When attention is taken away from the legislation, I have to ask, to what end? How many in government don't want the children protected?

A large segment of adult survivors whose amnesia "broke" later in life recalled military bases as well as politicians. We all know the military has no pedophiles so survivors must be lying, right? Government and our armed forces are not exempt from pedophiles.

Barack Obama, please continue your efforts as president to pass legislation to both educate our young children and actively pursue organized pedophile rings at all levels of society.

The need to change

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."- Maya Angelou

This network of blogs grew out of a passion (rage actually) to educate wherever possible about organized pedophilia. The nation has bought the propaganda and those behind the propaganda are wreaking devastation for children brave enough to tell and for adults who didn't know as children but remember later in life.

As a therapist, I had few options for clients with DID. If the client had good insurance, she might be admitted to one of the country's finest facilities for stabilizing survivors with DID. Since quite a few in the early stages of DID are unable to sustain employment, Medicare (or whatever it's called) doesn't cover an out-of-state facility. The choice is a hospital where DID is not acknowledged--or worse, treated as insane. Not only is it not acknowledged, I have witnessed cruel remarks being made to clients and insensitive hospital personnel and law enforcement violating confidentiality while making cruel remarks outside a client's room. I am not alone with this experience. Therapists nationally struggle with lack of resources and lack of community understanding.

And the country is greatly lacking in therapists who treat DID due to the well-funded people behind the propaganda. They have targeted therapists for lawsuits forcing many to withdraw from treating survivors and have caused many of the country's treatment facilities for those with DID to close its doors in the past decade. Only a handful remain.

We need to change. We need to see the truth. We need to question what is being handed down as truth. We need to come together to fight against organized pedophilia. I'm aware of a number of good organizations going after the internet predators. But that is the top of the mountain. Pluck one and 20 more quickly fill the gap. Society needs to go after the pedophiles where they gather children for their perverse activities which will serve to both save the children and make multiple arrests at one time.

If any community is out there already doing this, please let me know. I would love to have a community to point to as a model. The first step to change is education about DID. I've tried to simplify the basics with the blog Forbidden Topic. The big picture of organized pedophilia is the focus of The Dirtiest Secret Behind Child Abuse. The clear recollections of children and child dissociated selves of adult survivors are presented at Believe the Children.

Step 1. Understand what it means to have become DID. The nation needs to understood that only children who have been repeatedly and/or systematically abused before the age of six are likely to have acquired the coping skill of severe dissociation. You wouldn't turn a six year old away trying to tell someone had *hurt* him or her, but our country routinely dismisses the those children who grow up to be adults unaware for decades of their abuse history because of the DID. It doesn't make any sense...except to child predators who want to ensure their nefarious activities continue to thrive.