Nov 19, 2008

Unraveling the lies

Incestuous families have a dynamic of creating divides between siblings and other relatives. Children of incest tend to have more issues with relationships than most. I have been able to piece together how a divide was created between my younger sister and me. I was closer to my older sister but not in the way I view close sister relationships in the media. My closest friends are more like sisters in my current life than my birth family. It's very sad.

The one family abuse dynamic I never understood is why my favorite uncle came up so prominently in abuse memories. Yet I never felt fear around him during childhood or the last I saw him in the 1990's. All other abuse was father focused...expanded to his world. Having my one maternal uncle in the mix has always been difficult for me to believe. I started to speak of this in the Forbidden Topic blog. It is possible, because my uncle was connected to an aspect of the world that crossed over into the sophisticated realm of organized pedophilia, they did not want me to be close to him.

My fear reaction has been to his name--not to him. Because of the situation with my 5-year-old client Tyler (Believe the Children) where the perps referred to other abused children by the names of his cousins, it is possible that tactic was used with me. Someone was an abuser who was called by my uncle's name throughout my childhood and beyond?

In following my uncle's career, I came across a biographical video. I'm in my 50s and he is in his 70s. He seems so happy and at peace in his life and with his wife whom I met and adored. I stared at the video and tried to look through him to see the evil. But there was none. If this was one of the manipulations by the organized pedophiles, I have no words to express the feeling of having what may have been my one safe family relationship stolen from me.

I'm able to step back now from the messages about abuse by my uncle and my genuine feelings toward him. I have such a visceral response to seeing photos of abusers or wondering if I might "run into" someone known to have been in my past. I have none of that with my uncle. Such is the stuff of memories. It takes so long to figure out all the lies, by the time enough of the truth is known, it may be too late to ever have someone who has truly been safe and family to be part of my current life.

Knowing how my mind was molded with certain beliefs and how Tyler's mind had already begun to be molded without the dissociative factor, it's frightening how easily a young child can be led to believe whatever a powerful adult says. Next time an older child or teenager is found in the custody of an abductor, please remember that no guns or weapons are needed to hold that child captive--to prevent the child from ever telling. Nothing causes me to feel sick faster than society quickly pointing to how many opportunities a child in danger did not take to tell someone of the situation. It doesn't work that way.

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